Often, you listen to people and allow them to say all they have to say about you. The problem isn’t that people talk — they will always talk — the problem is how much power you give to their words.
Three things are usually involved:
- You could easily shut them up.
- You could let them speak but not pay attention.
- Or, you could listen and allow their negative words to sink deep into your mind until they start shaping how you see yourself.
Before you know it, those words begin to diminish your confidence. You start thinking and acting out what you’ve been told. Slowly, you begin to feel smaller than you are.
Sometimes it’s not even about words directly spoken to you. It could come from your environment, your family background, your society, or even the kind of people you surround yourself with. Constant exposure to negative energy and small-minded thinking can quietly eat away at your sense of self-worth.
Where It All Begins
You don’t just wake up one morning and start feeling unworthy, it often begins somewhere.
Could it be that someone once told you you’d never amount to anything, and you subconsciously made that your truth?
Maybe a parent, sibling, or teacher (because let’s be honest, some teachers can be professional dream-killers) spoke words that stuck in your mind.
Or perhaps someone said, “You’re a woman; you can’t go beyond a certain level.” And you accepted that limitation as your reality.
Or maybe you’ve failed once, twice, and when people told you to give up, you actually did, allowing their doubts to become your destiny.
Sometimes it’s not what people say but what we observe and internalize. The things you repeatedly see, hear, and dwell on, can start shaping what you believe about yourself. They settle quietly in your subconscious, and before you know it, you start living out those negative beliefs.
How Your Environment Shapes Your Worth
I once had a really deep conversation with a friend. One thing led to another, and she told me how a course mate said it’s not wrong for a husband to hit his wife or ask her to kneel as punishment.
Now, pause for a second — see how damaging that kind of thinking is?
I strongly suspect that this mindset came from her home environment. Maybe her late father used to hit her mother, and her mother (trying to protect her children) would say, “It’s fine, he’s only trying to correct me.”
Maybe it started from her grandmother, who passed that belief to her daughter, and now, to her. She saw, heard, and believed it. If care isn’t taken, she’ll pass that same pattern down to her own children.
That’s how these cycles continue. What we see, hear, and accept can quietly become our reality, unless we break the pattern.
You Are More Than People’s Opinions
When you allow other people’s words and actions to define your worth, you lose sight of who you are.
You start to feel undeserving of love, success, and happiness. You shrink yourself to fit into other people’s expectations. But you don’t have to live that way.
You have to stop letting people’s opinions of who they think you are determine your value. You are worth more than you think. You are bigger, stronger, and more capable than anyone could ever imagine.
You are smart. You are loved. You are worthy of all things good.
You just need that one small shift. that moment when you realize that God created you for a purpose. You are more than a conqueror. You were designed with intention. God made you worthy, even before the world tried to convince you otherwise.
Start seeing yourself the way God sees you. That’s where real confidence begins.
How to Build Your Self-Worth
Building self-worth isn’t about pretending to be confident or repeating affirmations you don’t believe. It’s about renewing your mind, understanding your value, and aligning your mindset with God’s truth about you.
Below are two key steps to help you begin that journey.
1. Know and Understand Why You Feel Less of Yourself
There can never be a solution without identifying the problem. You can’t fight something you don’t understand.
Ask yourself:
- Where did this feeling come from?
- When did I start believing I wasn’t enough?
- What experiences made me doubt my value?
Be patient with yourself as you reflect. Look back on moments, months, or even years when you started feeling small. Write down incidents that made you feel unworthy.
Think about what you’ve exposed yourself to — the people, the content, the environment. Have they made you feel like you’ll never measure up?
Sometimes we lose our sense of worth because we’ve tried to live like someone else. We chase trends, change ourselves to fit in, and end up disconnected from who we really are.
Remember: there can only be one you. That’s your power. You don’t need to be like anyone else. Your uniqueness is what makes you valuable.
Let people call you weird — wear that proudly. You do not need validation from anyone to know your worth.
Who Do You Listen To?
Earlier, I mentioned that negative people can mess with your mind. There’s a difference between hearing and listening.
When you listen, you internalize what’s said. If you keep listening to toxic voices, those words will start to shape your reality. Words are powerful — they can either build or destroy.
Set firm boundaries. Don’t allow anyone, no matter who they are, to talk down on you or define your worth.
Who Are You Surrounded By?
Look at your circle. Some people carry so much negativity that it spills into everything around them. If your circle makes you feel small or constantly drains you, it’s okay to step away.
Don’t be afraid to outgrow people. Growth will always require some distance.
What Do You Observe?
Pay attention to what you see and consume daily. Are there patterns or “family trends” that make you feel like you can’t rise above certain limits?
You can choose differently. You can renew your mindset, break those cycles, and see yourself through new eyes.
2. Make Deliberate Efforts to Work on Yourself
Once you’ve identified the source of your insecurities, it’s time to act.
Be intentional about your growth. Healing and confidence won’t magically appear, they grow through consistent effort.
Read good books, read the bible and see what God says about you, pray, learn, unlearn, relearn and surround yourself with people who inspire you to be better.
Remember, self-worth isn’t arrogance. It’s simply understanding that you are valuable, loved, and capable — because God says so.
You don’t have to stay trapped by people’s opinions or past mistakes. You can rise above the noise, the labels, and the lies.
Start affirming who you are, not based on what others think, but on what God says about you.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are the salt and light of the world. You are royalty. You’re a city set high on a hill that cannot be hid. You are not behind. You are not less.You are becoming.
Your self-worth isn’t something to be proven — it’s something to be remembered.
So today, choose to see yourself differently. Choose to break those old patterns. Choose to believe that you are worthy of love, peace, and purpose — because you are.
If this post inspired you or helped you see yourself differently, let me know in the comments! Don’t forget to share this with someone who needs a reminder of their worth.
